Thursday, March 25, 2010


Watch your step, watch your words
Watch your actions, watch yours thoughts
Watch what you say and watch what you do
You've got a spotlight shining down on you!

Don’t drop your watch lest you betray a chance
You might be caught with a misjudged glance
And things might just get worse anew
Remember you've got a spotlight shining down on you!

The world is watching through a million eyes
Eyes that are waiting to catch you in a trice
Eyes that nag, and reprimand too
As you live with the spotlight shining down on you!

Its pins you down with its glare
Puts you through a grindstone, to see how you fare
Robs the spring in your step, the smile in you eyes too
The loathsome spotlight beaming down on you!

With the best mask over your face drawn
With your facade of pretence you go on
Silencing your mind, quieting your heart too
You've got to be cautious - the spotlight's on you!

All day long you wait for the show to end
Gripped with anxiety, cold with fear, with dread
In the heart of your dreams, you may be spared, that’s true
But with every new day its back - that spotlight shining down on you!

Thursday, March 4, 2010


What wouldn't I give
To free me from your grip
What wouldn't I give
To stop your soaring flight
What wouldn't I give
To stay your slipping grains of sand
What wouldn't I give to hold onto that,
Which won’t ever come back?

Running by when I looked away
Unswerving when I urged you on
Unrelenting, unyielding
Defying my every word

I fought you not
Bowing to your every demand
Over an over again, dragged in your wake
Treading paths you wished me to take

I've come this far
I wish now to live
This paradise I’ve found
I refuse to part
With all this that I own
I refuse to leave this me behind
I refuse to walk you all alone

A few moments is all I beg
To look back at a life I forsake
Be gracious, Time, I need you now
Don’t rush me along, I wish to wait

Like a giant clock ticking far away
It heeds not my plea
It’s pushed me all along
I’ve struggled to break free

But today I can hear its voice
The voice of Time now speaks to me
I care not where it echos from
Only question its purpose to be

“There’s a part of me in everyone" it says,
"I’m urging them along their way
This that you call your own
None of it is here to stay
For everyone is in search
Of that what is meant to be
Everything here
Is looking for its destiny

I’m that destiny you came with
The life that’s kept you going
Your only companion forever
I won’t bind you down…
I’ll set you free…”

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


How often have you got the chance
To take a leap head first
To close your eyes, to hold your breath
To make the dive you must

How often have you stood the gaze
Of critical, judgmental eyes?
How often have you been able to
Stand up and prove them otherwise?

How often have stood a challenge
Knowing well you could disappoint?
Anxious to see yourself through
Yet wanting to make a point?

How often have you looked over the edge
And known in your heart you could fly
Believed you wouldn't hit the bottom
If only you would try...

Have often have you surrendered to instincts
And seen yourself flare
How often have you let your faith rule
How often did you dare?

Take that plunge, And once you do
You'll fare better than you wished
You'll have wings unfurl in you
You'll find yourself unleashed!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A big fat situation!

On my blog here, it’s not important what I look like. But I have to say this - that part of life which has measurements involved has been tragic with me!

I was stick thin once upon a time way back during my school days. And was still containing the kilos in college. And now after 2 and half years of sitting on my bike/in my car to work, sitting at my desk at work all morning, sitting in the canteen for lunch, sitting at my desk all evening, sitting in front of the TV/laptop at night… I’m Fat! Period.

We don’t want to get into how or why or what now? I’m always getting plenty of advice without having to ask for it anyway. The point of my post is about how life changes for someone who puts on too much weight in too small a time.

Firstly there are the comments you attract. Most people (provided they recognize you with the extra kilos) can’t hide the shocked expression and blurt out things that they seem to think will convey the message without causing much damage.

If the people in question aged around 40+: “Oh! You've gained in health!”
Somewhere near 40: “You must start exercising”
Anywhere between 15-30: “You’ve put on!” (a seconds thought) ”You are looking good though”
Below 15: Anything they say goes like “Aunty, blah blah blah”.

Then your close friends pick out the choicest of nick names, and call you every one of those (with a whole lot of love so that you can’t even mind the names). I get called Fatty and Golu and everything else you can think of to go well with the chubby cheeks.

But the worst part (especially if you’re a girl) is that shopping becomes a nightmare. It’s bad enough that you have to go around a store, looking at all the gorgeous looking skinny gals, in skinny clothes. Focusing on ‘What I need to buy’ becomes so difficult given that you are constantly thinking about ‘What I could have bought if only I had a few kilos less on me’!

Getting fat in a short time also means that a lot of times you don’t feel as fat as you look. Sounds complicated? Picture this.

I’m at a store with clothes arranged in neat stacks (SIZE WISE!). You stand at the head of the row and see a whole lot of skinny looking gals standing at the racks that say ‘XS’ / ‘S’. A similar number of gals stand bunched up near the next one which reads ‘M’. And then beyond that is a rack that says ‘L’. It’s got one of the largest remaining piles of clothes, because no-one is touching them. I know that’s exactly my destination. I’m dragging my feet to it. Its little comfort that there’s another shelf at the far end that says ‘XL’ because everybody seems to be ignoring it! (You’d think no one wants to be caught dead buying something off those shelves!)

Somewhere halfway through the walk down that aisle, I lose courage I start looking at the clothing that’s being sold under ‘M’. And Voila! I pick out one and I think (I really honestly do think) that I can fit into it! I pick out a few more, hold them in front of me and I now I’m certain that I can get into these! I take some to the trail room only to have reality dawn on me. I throw those ‘M’ tagged clothes into a corner. Stomp off to the ‘L’ rack. Pick out something and BUY it without really trying it out.

Shopping done! Torture over!

If being tagged with the ‘LARGE’ label on clothes is bad, nothing gets worse than what my employer is doing to my psych these days. For those who are just beginning to disbelieve me at this point .. There’s a simple explanation for it.

My Name: Bidisha Ghosh
My Full name (with Dad’s name in between): Bidisha L Ghosh
My Company’s way of maintaining the name: Ghosh Bidisha L
The display they put up on my desk:
Ghosh Bidisha

Can the ordeal end? Fat chance, I'd say!